Emily Damari is an extraordinary young woman. Dragged into Gaza from her home in Southern Israel during the monstrous Hamas attacks of October 7, the recently released British born hostage revealed she was shot in the hand by her terrorist captors, losing two fingers in the process. Yet despite experiencing unimaginable suffering during her hellish 15 month captivity Emily remains unbowed. Declaring recently after complex surgery to treat her injuries – she was also shot in the leg – that her scars represent “freedom, hope and strength”.
Such resilience, courage, defiance and optimism surely makes this 28-year-old a true personification of what International Women’s Day (IWD) is all about. Since this global initiative aims to celebrate female achievement and triumph in the face of prejudice and adversity. It also works to highlight many challenges still faced by women. Not least violence and victimisation meted out by men.
Yet of the many projects and events embracing IWD not one has mentioned Emily Damari – despite her suffering and her strength. It’s an omission which exposes the sham nature of selective sisterhood and as well as the failings of this annual celebration of so-called female solidarity
Indeed ever since October 7 the enduring silence of feminist groups in the UK about the plight of women brutalised by Hamas has been voluble. Despite concrete proof of kidnap, physical and sexual violence – and of course murder – there has barely been a ripple of protest about the fate of female victims on that terrible day. The likes of the Fawcett Society, the Women’s Party as well as A-list feminists – so ready to hand ring on other “wimmin’s issues” – have said nothing.
Even after the harrowing revelation that hostages Shira Bibas and her two little sons had been slaughtered by Hamas. Or when their coffins were returned in a grotesque spectacle (and Shiri’s body was delayed being given back to Israel after Hamas sent the ‘wrong’ human remains.)
How can IWD or indeed so many declared feminists or women’s groups have a shred of credibility when such heinous treatment at the hands of violent men is selectively ignored?
But then should we be surprised? Since even in everyday life the assumed notion of an automatic sisterly support network is constantly undermined.
How often have the very feminists who campaign hard for women to be heard rush to silence those of us who don’t share their views? (I’ll spare you the names I’ve been called for praising Margaret Thatcher, even though as Britain’s first female prime minister she was a trailblazer for women – though clearly not a feminist herself).
Indeed, women often reserve their worst behaviour for other women. Not least those who suffer with so-called Queen Bee Syndrome – that is women in powerful positions who pull up the ladder behind them rather than mentor and support junior female colleagues. Meanwhile studies have shown that women often experience more workplace bullying from female colleagues than from men. Little wonder research shows women are more likely to prefer to work for men.
Of course it`s not all bleak. Sure in the course of my own experience I’ve known my share of toxic women whose insecurity has undermined a productive relationship. But women can also be the most incredible friends and supporters (I’m lucky to have some corkers).
However the assumption that all women are natural allies is a myth. What is the point of #metoo, if the lens is so selective it also means #notyou ?
If the work of IWD as well as feminist groups is to be transformative rather than tokenistic it must be unequivocal in giving a voice to and showing support for all women. Women like Emily Damari.
The fight against male inequality has been tough but is slowly being won. But the victory will be hollow if women show prejudice and bias towards fellow females. For doing so fails us all.
